Late Night Ruminating

I read Faust's Harvard graduation speech that Dunnigan sent out. After reading the first few chapters of Wild at Heart and then reading this article, the following quote really stuck out:

"Don’t park 20 blocks from your destination because you think you’ll never find a

space. Go where you want to be and then circle back to where you have to be."

Believe me, people asked me all kinds of ridiculous questions when I went to work for SigEp instead of pursuing the NYC or DC route...including questions from family and close friends (and even fraternity brothers).

I'd love to hear if you guys agree with me about this thought: What's most important in life is happiness. Happiness has nothing to do with your job title or job description (as Jess alluded to). Happiness to me is derived directly from:

1) relationships - family, friends, and God

2) personal development - traveling (living vicariously through Barrows), documenting life, reading, etc.

3) healthy living - eating well, exercising, sleeping well

4) career satisfaction - having goals, achieving goals, and building relationships with mentors

5) financial success - spending money wisely, saving money, and giving towards causes that have meaning to me

It is easy to take this list and derive goals in each category.

I came across this method of goal-making and how it could lead to happiness when I took a college class from a young adjunct professor in DC and it has stuck with me ever since.

Would love to hear your thoughts.

Sharing our Inner Light

“Let people feel the weight of who you are.” What a powerful quote. How many of us hide who we truly are in order to not rock the boat. We down play our interactions, feelings, opinions and energy in order not to anger, overwhelm or most usually differentiate ourselves from those around us. Now this is not a blank check to tell everyone at all times everything that you think about them or your opinion on everything but it is a blank check to let your inner light show at all times.

Open conversations with unfamiliar people, share your ideas with people who might disagree or more importantly you know will disagree, learn the name of the cashier at the grocery store and ask her what she likes to do, etc. Be the person we all strive to be, a dynamic, energetic, loving, compassionate, opinionated, powerful being that will be who they are no matter the circumstance. That will enter a room, discussion, phone call with exuberance, energy and passion without fear of dissent. That is a heavy weight that many people will be fearful of but that cannot hinder us from sharing it with the world.

Spiritual teacher Marianne Williamson once said, “as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” We must let our inner confidence and light out to be shared with the world or we are impeding the growth of those around us. The great leaders are those that can inspire people by igniting the light in the souls of those they encounter. Start today by spreading the light of the great person you are with everyone you meet. See the difference, feel the difference, change the world.

Why am I excited about this?

Reading Wild at Heart this week, I was particularly struck by some parts of the chapter on how God breaks us down to help reveal His plan for us - and to help show us our true strength and our true nature. But, what I took from the discourse, was that God not only breaks down our persona - showing us our weaknesses, teaching us to acknowledge the wounds we've suffered - but he also breaks down our understanding of the world. All the rules we've learned from the world don't apply!

From the day we are born into the Earth, we begin learning the rules of this world - we learn that our parents feed us and teach us, that the stove is hot, that gravity pulls things to the ground (sometimes with smashing results!). We learn to interact with others. At our best, we learn cooperation, teamwork, loyalty, and friendship. At our worst, we learn jealousy, bullying, selfishness, and greed. We grow and evolve. At our best, we learn independence, determination, self-mastery, and courage. At our worst, we learn self-doubt, inadequacy, impatience, and cowardice. But - good and bad - we learn a lot about this world and how to carve out a niche for ourselves in its vastness.

But what am I excited about tonight? That God takes, has taken, and will take all those rules, all those things I've learned, all the fables I've told myself are true - and will shatter them. He will say, "Whoever wants to save his life will lose it." He will say, "Whoever exalts himself will be humbled." He will say, "The last shall be first." He will take everything the accuser and the world have taught me and reveal the falsehoods.

When I was reading this week, I had an unusual but undeniable, deep-seated gut reaction as I read this sentence:

The true test of a man, the beginning of his redemption, actually starts when he can no longer rely on what he's used all his life.

What was my reaction? Strangely, I felt... excited. I've figured out a few things I'm good at and more than a few that I'm not. But, all those things that are working for me, one day - sure as the sun comes up - they will fail me. And I'll have to dig deeper, to work smarter, to pray and meditate more effectively, to turn myself inward to figure out how to approach and overcome this challenge.

And that has me nothing less than excited.

My Father is going to take the world and turn it upside down. My Father is going to break all the rules. My Father has an adventure set for me. And not just an adventure. But an adventure that's worth the fighting for. A challenge with a purpose. A battle worth winning. An endeavor that matters.

This realization makes me excited and grateful and humbled. As Andrew quoted Braveheart in an earlier post, "Every man dies. Not every man lives." My Father has given me a real life. And He expects me to live it. And He will make sure the adventure is worth the having.

That's exciting.

Few Quick Thoughts

I would stick with my name, Christopher which means Christ bearer. That is a name I can say I'm proud to have. As far as being defined by our jobs... as you said there is some underlying reason why we have our jobs that really defines us (what we are fighting for). For each of us our job should be the ministry that we are called to whether as a lawyer or investment banker or whatever and the reason. The reason we feel a bit shallow answering the question is often times we don't have an underlying battle we are fighting. We took our jobs because they would provide us with a comfortable lifestyle or they were the logical next step or were going to help us get to some position power, wealth or prestige. I know some combination of those is why I took my job and also why I'm not there anymore. What do you do is a really interesting question for me right now because there are so many ways I can answer it. When you are an investment banker, you say I'm an investment banker. Do I say I'm a consultant for a non-profit, do I say I'm a missionary, do I say I'm a volunteer, am I a baseball player now or an English teacher? All are true in some way. The reality may be that I don't know. I know God wants me here and I haven't concerned myself too much with exactly what I need to be called.

It has really been interesting for me to reread this book. I've changed so much since the first time I read it and even the second or third time. There was a point where this was definitely what I needed to here. I need to brave. I needed something to fight for. Sitting here now though, my perspective has become more nuanced. I love the fundamental message of the book still but as I read, everything in me screams no to some of the details. The best example is his assertion that God is risk taker. He's not. God is a warrior. God is wild. God is a lot of things but God is not a risk taker. God is sovereign. God can't lose. Risk implies that he can lose, that he isn't in control, but he can't lose and he is in control. We can't lose either when we are in him. You can lose your life. You can lose your money. You can lose friends and family. You can lose everything that is of this world. In Phillipians 3:8 Paul says "What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ." There is only an appearance of risk. To the world our actions look risky because we consider loss all of the things they value but we are secure in Christ and where is the risk in that?

Tool for Success

“All men die; few men ever really live.” That phrase can either be exhilarating or depressing depending on the individual. If when you read that phrase a pit forms in your stomach and you begin to feel uncomfortable you’re thought process is debilitating yourself. If when you read that phrase a smile comes to your face because you know that not only are you living but you are one of the few in the world that is, embrace that because you are allowing yourself to reach your full potential.

At a person’s core, the people in the first group are the same as the people in the second group. The difference between the two is the second group has developed a skill that the first group has not. We as humans have a built in defense mechanism called fear. From early on we are taught to believe that those with courage and valor have no fear, aka those that really live. Growing up we even had t-shirts with the phrase “no fear” plastered all over it. It’s the bottom of the ninth, two outs, full count bases loaded down by three…….No Fear!!! But that is where we go wrong as a society. We attempt to teach our children and one another that fear is to be overcome by the process of removal when it really is overcome by the process of acceptance.

When we can recognize and accept the fears in our daily lives we can then manage them and therefore overcome them. Every day fears enter our minds. Wake up or you’re going to miss work, don’t swerve into traffic or you will die, don’t talk in the meeting because you might be wrong and get fired, don’t talk to that girl she might reject you, etc. As you can see some fears are good, they force you to avoid dangers in life but as you also can see some fears are bad and will stunt you from reaching your highest potential.

Now some men are wired in a way where they do not allow those negative thoughts to affect their actions. They manage those fears either subconsciously or consciously depending on the person and situation. But for 99% of the population we allow those debilitating fears to negatively affect our actions on a daily basis. So 99% of the people in the world are not living not because they are born cowards but because they are lacking an essential tool for success.

So if you are one of those people that are already really living keep at it you most likely already do this. But if you think you might allow fear to hold you back from time to time, start observing your thoughts when you get uncomfortable. Listen to what you are thinking and telling yourself. Odds are you are giving yourself bad advice and/or filling your head with negative thoughts both which stop you from living life to the fullest and reaching your full potential.

Don’t be discouraged if you are not a part of the first group, the exciting thing about it is that it doesn’t have to stay that way. This is not a group you have to be born into. All you need is to do is equip yourself with the right tool for success.

Learning one's true name

If someone were to come up to you today and ask, "What do you do?", what would be your answer? Would you tell him your occupation? Would you name the company for which you work? Would you discuss a philanthropy or community service organization with which you are involved? Would you talk about your family?

This is actually a very common question, one that we may answer several times in the course of a single day. And in our answers may lie a great deal of our identities - at least the ones we've constructed for ourselves. Identities, perhaps, that we've established in order to feel justified, to be financially successful, to be socially popular, to better relate to those around us.

I particularly liked John Eldridge's re-telling in Chapter 6 of the scene in Gladiator following the defeat of the reigning champion by Maximus.

"After a remarkable display of courage and a stunning upset, the emperor comes down into the arena to meet the valiant gladiator, whose identity remains hidden behind his helmet.

Commodus: Your fame is well deserved, Spaniard. I don't believe there's ever been a gladiator that matched you... Why doesn't the hero reveal himself and tell us all your real name? (Maximus is silent.) You do have a name?

Maximus: My name is Gladiator. (he turns and walks away.)

Commodus: How dare you show your back to me?! Slave! You will remove your helmet and tell me your name.

Maximus: (Slowly, very slowly lifts his helmet and turns to face his enemy.) My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius; Commander of the Armies of the North; General of the Felix Legions; loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius; father to a murdered son; husband to a murdered wife; and I will have my vengeance, in this life or in the next."

Now, that's an identity! Maximus cites his occupation - he is a military general, but he also gives us a glimpse into what he's fighting for - the restoration of order in the empire, the vindication of his family.

Now, outside of the movie theatre, I don't think many of us would feel comfortable just laying it all out there. At a cocktail party, I'm unlikely to answer the question 'what do you do?' with "I'm a real estate consultant and defender of freedom and the American Way!"

But, don't you also feel just a bit shallow answering with just your job? Are we all too reliant on our occupations as the primary definers of our identities? Shouldn't we hold ourselves in higher esteem than to define ourselves with how we pay the bills?

If not by our jobs, from where can our identities come? Do they arise out of our hobbies or how we spend our free time? Do they arise out of the books we read or the television we watch, maybe the sports teams we follow? Maybe from the music to which we listen? All of these may serve to determine into which marketing demographic we fall, but probably do not provide many answers to our identities.

So, if our identities are not best defined by our jobs, and nor are they revealed through our likes and dislikes - from where do they come?

...And how will you answer that question at your next cocktail party?

Breaking us Down to Build us Back up

Before I began reading “Wild at Heart” by John Eldridge I had the distinct benefit of having my friend Krys read most of it first. This benefit was not due to the advantage of shared perspectives but because Krys has no Y chromosome. Krys never gave me her full analysis of the book but what she did say created more enthusiasm for me to read a book then I have had in quite some time. She said that this book was very interesting to her because it gave her an insight into what made men who they are.

A lot of men when asked who they are begin to list accomplishments, titles, religions, hobbies, personality traits, etc. but the problem is men do not know why they are the way they are. These first chapters focus on this fact. We as humans cannot fully accomplish our true missions here on earth and in life if we do not come to grips with who we truly are. Breaking it down to the basics, men are men and women are women. There are biological differences that cannot be argued.

We as humans are born with certain traits built into our DNA code. This explains why one twin baby cries all the time while other twin baby sleeps all the time. That is why two kids growing up in the same home can be worlds different. Now this is not a bad thing but just who we are. The problem is when we are affected negatively by our surroundings or teachings growing up. Whether it’s the fact that your father never said he loved you or your pastor told you never to show anger because it was not the way of god. These experiences become a part of our DNA and unless we break this DNA down and become the confident men or women that god created us to be we will never see the success that we deserve and god wants for us. These first two chapters have talked about the advantage of tapping into the internal drive and passion of a man and women. John Eldridge couldn’t be more on target. We as men or women must stop letting the opinions and experiences of the past rule our lives. We must destroy those traits and experiences generated from our past that hinder our growth and allow ourselves to be confident enough to live the lives god and most importantly we intended.

Personally, I look forward to reading the rest of this book but most importantly I look forward to the sharing of our opinions and dialogue regarding this ever so important topic of discovering just who we are as the sons and daughters of god.

"'Course he isn't safe. But he's good."

So much of the modern American experience and, indeed, the pursuit of the "American dream" is to increase convenience and mitigate hardship in our lives, manage or eliminate risks, and remove ourselves from any possible discomfort. My house is a comfortable temperature on this steamy Florida August night, my dirty dishes from dinner are in the dishwasher, and I won't have to iron my shirt in the morning thanks to wrinkle-free fabric. Awesome! Certainly, we are much better off with many modern conveniences - did I mention the comfortable temperature? - but do you ever lament the lost challenges? I'm not saying I'd rather use an iron (actually made of iron) heated by the flame in my fireplace than throw on a perfectly pressed shirt on my way out the door. But, still, am I missing out on some "life" by having every convenience at the ready, just blocks away, individually wrapped, and approved by the FDA?

This is what I was thinking when I read C.S. Lewis' words in Wild at Heart this week - "'Course he isn't safe. But he's good." Even among the cul-de-sacs of modern America, God has preserved for us a little wildness, a little risk, in the mission He's given us, the mysteries He's presented us, and the message He's trying to send to us. He is specifically telling us that His path is dangerous and fraught with peril; that we face a formidable foe; that we will most certainly fail along the way; that sadness, loneliness, and discomfort will accompany us at various stages. Not only does C. S. Lewis tell us this path isn't safe - he says it's... good? How does that perspective fit with a modern American view of life? Can't I just put in my 8 hours today and call it a day? Look forward to the next long weekend?

How many times today did I choose comfort over the "good" path? How many times have I chosen an safe path instead of a more difficult path? Certainly, the first part of the battle is to figure out which difficult paths to choose - maybe some things should be easy, and not every difficulty has to be embraced. So, with God's guidance, will I learn which battles to fight? Will I learn which difficulties to embrace and rejoice in? Will I learn what trials are necessary for my growth and my service for His plans? And, if all those questions get answered, will I have the courage, desire, and strength to not only take those roads, but actively seek them out? Or will I instead choose one that's more... safe?

This guy rocks

this is a short article and one of the coolest things I have seen in awhile:

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,488348,00.html